You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
