dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
