I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
