i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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