so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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