Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
