I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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