I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
