I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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