Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
