Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
