I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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