it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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