I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
