her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I touched a dick in church today
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
