You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
