I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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