I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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