I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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