I wish I only lived at night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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