he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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