I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
