I cockslap morals
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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