I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i think my cat just said my name.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
