about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
