i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
