Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
