Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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