i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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