they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize