Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
