I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
