Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
