Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
