Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
