you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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