Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
