I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
