So drunk, too bad you don't want this
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
