i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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