i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
