Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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