He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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