I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
