if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
