Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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