I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
