people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
