Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
