Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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