K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
