1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
