I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
