Already got asked if we're dating
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
