So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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