I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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