someone owes me an orgasm
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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