There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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