my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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