I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I love you. Go after that dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
