i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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