Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
