Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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