Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
