you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
