Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
