I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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