So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
