He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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